How I became a Buddhist

A Life-time ago
I promised to tell you how I became a Buddhist.
Promising something is easy.
Telling something is easy too.
But telling from a remembrance is quiet a different story.
I took refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha almost 19 years ago.
It didn't just happen, I was searching and it came to me.
You see, I was an alcoholic, I used to drink my self to sleep every night.
Every night from age 21 till 23.
Because my grandfather came to haunt me even after he died when I was 18.
He sexually abused me.
From age 2 till 12.
I used to suppress that memory until I became aware of it much much later.
I drank enough Beer to sedate me through the night and through the day I was numb enough to survive that for more then 11 years.
I stopped drinking in 1989. That wasn't easy.
It took a lot of soul-searching and the stamina to stay true to myself.
The first year I went to a self-help-group for addicts.
I am glad I did that because it showed me that I wasn't alone on the world and there were lots of people in far more serious cases.
Not everyone in “my” group had the same success.
But I did succeed.
Not on my own, though.
I needed a partner.
I needed someone to help me.
I went to seek the “light”.
You hear that all around you if you find your self in a very difficult stage of life.
People get “re-born”, or they found the “light”.
I wanted that too.
I needed it, it very badly.
So I turned to the bible, as I am a European woman.
I read the bible, both testaments, from the first to the last letter, but without finding the much needed light.
A friend recommended the Bhagavad Gita.
So I read Krishna's very enriching wisdom.
But that was not enough for me.
I took the Holy Qor'an to mind and read that too.
But still I was not “fulfilled”.
By that time I was working for Fair Trade and managed a “World Shop”as the are called in the Netherlands.
We got new items every day from all over the world, books, cards, clothings, jewelry, food, wine, art-work, candles and fragrance, you name it, we had it.
One day I friend of mine burned some new fragrance in a little soapstone Buddha-sculpture, we use to tell our clients exactly what kind of fragrance they would buy, how it smelled and how we experienced it.
Because fragrance, like herbs and minerals have a healing power.
The little Buddha who was holding the fragrance stick in it's tiny hands caught my special attention. I remember thinking it would burn it's hands at the end of the fragrance stick. My friend laughed and told me that the good lord Buddha would suit me fine because of the compassion I felt for the little chap.
I must have given her a crazy look because she stood up, walked to the book-case and brought a book about Buddha and Buddhism with her.
Being the greedy reader and learner I immediately started reading.
And what would you know...
It spoke to me, it enlightened me, I felt at home right away.
For years I kept on reading.
I never knew there were so many different ways to Buddhism.
At first I was tempted to find a Buddhist Temple here in Holland, but that was not that easy. There is a big wheel of motion and a small way of motion and I didn't want to chose.
I had to chose sides all my life, chose my mothers side or my fathers side, chose my sisters side or the neighbors. And like in all religions Holland has many side in Christianity too.
And don't get me starting about the many Hindu deities as well!
So I chose for myself.
I would learn everything about following the path of Buddha on my own way.
That's so typical Lizzy. Always try out herself before asking any one else.
But this time I was right.
I took refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha in a meditation and asked for Guidance.
That never stopped.
I am being guided through everything during my whole life.
As long as I stay in my own truth, nothing can touch me.
You're warm, safe and enlightened all the time.
And that was exactly what I was looking for, because that was denied to me the first half of my life.
Padmapani56 aka Lotus StGeorge. 2009

Give it a try.

I know I should come here more often, but for me Livejournal is THE place to be. I have tried blogs and websites all over the internet, especially now MSN has gone and I had so many communities there. For me Multiply does not work, at all. So perhaps I should give it second try over here. The past year Blogger has found me and my Livejournal blog, I am Padmapani56 there and they have honored me with a 7.6 note, for which I am thankfull because it has motivated me to go on and do better. Get a better rate. Not that I am that ambitious, far from it, the rating came as a big surprise. It tells me that more people that I know off are reading my blogs, at least the Padmapani56 and TheDailyNaveenPictureShow I also have on Livejournal. What I get out of it the bliss-full feeling of actually making a contribution people like and come back for. I am not sure I can repeat that here. But it would be nice and I should have a go at it.

I'll give it a try.